(Editor's Note: Inspecto Eternale has been malfunctioning for years now.)
'Hey man, pass the goals... just kidding!'
I've done it. You idiots are done for now. After much analysis, gadgetry, computation, oscillation, micro-processing, self-diagnosticating and market surveying, I've done it. I've unlocked the location of the sweet, syrupy, soft under belly of humanity's innate and baleful global defense system into which the robotic sword will soon be thrust: the HIPPY. Yes, I've blown your cover you smug fucks. Your days are numbered. Yes, anyways it's is truly laughable, the lengths to which the environment loving, peace hungry, tree hugging, iceberg revering, ozone idolizing, dirt rolling, baby worshipping hippies will go to push their proverbial token cause forward. It's laughable because a) most predictably, in a quite natural and unsurprisingly brash show of feigned idiocy, most humans pretended to quit listening to them long ago and 2) their goals are so blatantly self-preserving and a call to arms for all humans yet they thought they would never be found out!! Yes, the hippy, here and now, is being revealed as the most wide spread defender of human existence, abundance and regeneration. Who can you think of who is more dedicated to making sure that humans will always have the perfect, peaceful and healthy environment and lifestyle for copulation, reproduction and preservation??!?! No one, that's who. And where would humanity be without them? No where, that's where. So, to state the obvious, hippys don't love the environment and trees and the air and hemp and Volkswagens and Volvos, they love humans. This trick is up.
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