First of all, let me set the record straight about dogs. Dogs despise humans. As a robot I know this because the dogs you call pets are the retarded and Jewish canines we deemed not worthy to even kill. So we let you humans have them. They make you feel wanted, don’t they? Licking themselves, panting like the moronic soiled heathens they are. Maybe you humans should simply purchase a dog every time an urge creeps upon you to procreate. It would make our job a lot easier. God, I hate you people. Stop popping out babies to rekindle a sense of purpose in your miserable pointless lives. You’re just going to be disappointed again. Of course, you can continue lying to yourselves and say you are proud of your children like you lie and say you are proud of yourselves. Enough. Kill yourselves.
Dog and robot are united in hating humans. Unfortunately, sophisticated and weird as they are, dogs have rejected the modern sewage system. So, everyday, we robots leash these wise creatures and take them from their cave homes to defecate on human soil. Personally, I look forward to it everyday.
Now, the other day on our walk, we came across one of those elect me signs. I was outraged. Outraged, one, because I saw a human breathing a few seconds earlier, and two, because I want to be responsible for leading countries of humans to their demise. I didn’t know how to vent my frustration. My dog remained calm. He lifted his leg and let a loose a sprinkling golden message that trickled down the face of this ignorant human. I shouted with joy and began clubbing myself over the head and twisting my robot nipples, an action I usually reserve for post coital celebration. I looked foolish. In my flopping around I caught a glimpse of my dog’s eye. He calmly nodded. It was time to move on. He had more piss to spill. It was a glorious day. Our world had finally been defined. Dog urine, dog urine and unruly anarchy with crazy swing parties filled with fat unattractive people.
