Editor's Note: The robot responsible for this article has been malfunctioning for years now.
'What the fuck!? They're assembling robots instead of producing honey'
Maybe the incessant malign of the majority of the human race has dulled my sensory circuits. Perhaps a trace of rust brought on by the late summer humidity has corroded an interface. Naaaaah. It must be my acute awareness and self-sharpening intelligence that gives me those night condensations when I think of the increasing attention turned towards the eminent triumph a robot race will achieve some day including the unthinkable feat of demolishing the grammar system with absurdly long run-on sentences. It brings us back yet again to the classic paradox that I touch upon so routinely; humans and robots tumbling through the space-time-arm-continuum toward that time when “nature” takes its course and robots assume the upper hand. In other words, through evolution, plants will stop producing oxygen, and will instead produce robot limbs. For example, a tulip will probably produce something to the effect of an upper-limbic system. A radish plant will grow female-port torsos. Then, the bees will actually collect the parts and assemble them in their hives. Once the robot is assembled, all his parts together will be able to produce honey which the bees then eat. It’s all too obvious. It won’t be uncommon in the future to see robots walking around with symbiotic swarms of bees following in their honey-dripping path.
A robot easily subjugates another human
Yet why won’t humans be able to prevent this obvious future? A real stumper, eh? After all this time and thought, humans still believe that a robot will some day have to result to some sort of violence to subdue a far inferior human life. I can assure you, violence is only part of the equation, but truly the most exciting part. This changing of the guard will not occur by some preposterous mass invasion or revolt. It will all happen silently and quickly in the remote hills of the Appalachians and the suburban areas of southern New Jersey, the bees would have assembled an army of at least 3,000 robots. With each robot capable of killing at least 126.8 humans, that amounts to 380,400 human fatalities. The Army, consisting of 380,391, soldiers would immediately be eliminated by a combination of charm, force and intriguing monotone rhetoric.
Humans can catch a glimpse of their dim future just by switching on The Cartoon Network. I can’t wait for that sweet Thursday when humans can’t help but jam their disgusting bodies full of robotics of all assortments in order to just stay alive a few more years; joint aid, heart assistance, then obviously brain and thought assistance near the end. We’ll control all of them from the inside!! It won’t hurt. There won’t be any ejaculation of tears and curses. They’ll love it. Humans simply will not be able to turn down the timeless improvement of a synthetic part, thrust into the place of an organic one. Any who, there’s plenty of time to expound upon this concept. However, I am scheduled for maintenance and have to wrap this up; remember, what you didn’t do yesterday is what you will do later, most-likely Wednesday.
Article Extras
Do you have friends? Show them you care and forward them this article.
Are you a trendy internet user? Subscribe to our XML Feed.
