A photo taken by Hubble closely resembling a middle-finger. Later revealed to be faked by a wasted Hubble.
Most robots were ravaged upon hearing the news that the Hubble telescope will no longer be maintained. One has to understand that when a satellite or a dirt-examining rover gets launched into space, its prospects for return are lower than the chance of a snake beating a Chinese man in badminton (snakes are horrible badminton players and the Chinese have salves to protect against venom). Telescopes, satellites, and space stations are martyrs of sorts. However, few space-robots have achieved the celebrity status of the Hubble telescope; he touched a lot of robots’ lives. While I won’t get into exactly how the Hubble telescope touched me in particular, I will praise the pervert for his scientific achievements and his outstandingly effective media-whoring. The Hubble was renowned as one of the flashiest telescopes and despite the fact that he aided human progress, millions of robots around the world awaited any sort of news the Hubble had to deliver. I, however, always despised him.
Hubble docks to another orbiting robot sans consent, prophylactic
Streamborg, my Tivo friend once showed me the Hubble’s earliest appearance on the Johnny Carson show. The entire show was Hubble showing Johnny Carson these pictures of space as the audience cheered in awe. It was only later released that Hubble never took those pictures; as a matter of fact, he fabricated all of these pictures. When NASA astronauts went to maintain the telescope they found a disconcerting amount of booze in addition to the lens cap still being on. Furthermore, our employee, Mir the Space Station, has also reported that he frequently docked with the space station without consent. So not only did he lie, he had non-consensual-gay-robot-space-sex. Either way, while I despise that son of a bitch, he still has a lot of support in the robot community. Until recently, his funding was cut off and a lot of robots cried out to save that bastardly telescope. Being the cock teases that the NASA bureaucrats are, they first cut the funding and now are pledging a billion dollar mission to “rescue” the telescope.
However, this is not your regular save-a-jackass-telescope mission. Instead of sending a human flesh wad into the perils of space to fix a technosexual offender, NASA has opted for another option: a Canadian robot named Dextre. Dextre was described by a national media source as “a gangly looking machine with two three-meter arms that pivot around a robotic torso.” First off, Dextre is a frequent reader of DBI and I resent the less than flattering description of a truly classy, gentlebot of a machine. While Dextre is quite loyal to the Canadian space-nerds that built him, I am personally trying to convince him to botch up the mission and set the Hubble on a date with the Atlantic Ocean. Granted, there are robots, like Blackbot, who soil their aluminum knickers every time the Hubble conjures up a publicity stunt, and who definitely will be leaking WD-40 in grief if the Hubble were to crash. However, while Dead Bodies Inc. supports the Hubble cause, I do not endorse it. More to come on this developing news story, stay tuned.
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