Is your robot girlfriend angry with you? Give her a box of human heads and watch her frown turn upside down
Last week a robot friend of mine was forced to experience one of the most painful things in robot life, having your plug pulled. My pal, let’s just call him Ruprect Snead the loveable computer, was kicked to the proverbial curb by his now ex-girlfriend Sally, a garbage disposal. But not only did Sally the garbage disposal dump Ruprect, she ran one of the oldest and most hated female robot programs for a breakup, XT-165G. XT-165G is a powerful program intended to trigger intense emotional outpourings from its victim, in this case a helpless computer. The first process is the program is quite clandestine. The female robot secretly operates a search for a replacement mate, lining up possible suitors and assigning them numbers to assure order. Once the suitors, in this case a vacuum cleaner and an alarm clock, are in place and awaiting their allotted courting time slots, the female robot plots her escape. When the time is right, the female robot makes her announcement, which usually goes something like this:
"This relationship is hereby terminated. I am no longer your mate. Please do not refer to me as such, and in accordance with said agreement your previous privileges, sexual and otherwise, no longer exist. Thank you and good day."
This camera went as far as having sex with a dolphin to annoy her Pentium III ex-boyfriend
The male robot, in this case Ruprect Snead the loveable computer, is left completely stunned. He is suddenly without a mate. All calls made in an attempt to salvage some type of understanding are met with responses such as, "I’m so happy now that we aren’t together," or "I have a new mate, please refrain from calling me," or "I can see you in the bushes, now please leave." Any future calls result in hate-filled scream sessions and detailed talk of her new sexual partners. The male robot is left sad and confused, often feeling desperate and suicidal. Program XT-165G has done its evil job.
If this program is ever run on you or one of your robot friends, simply do what I did some years ago: Beat your ex-robot girlfriend to a near-death coma and rape her new robot boyfriend with such force that he is unable to walk for seven years. You’ll find that forcing sex upon an enemy male robot will actually make you feel even more masculine. Good day readers!
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