This clever housewife, high on pills, removed her furniture to avoid cleaning. The kids were the next to go.
Just about every single robot belongs to a certain type of human being and it is of great importance to know what distinguishes your owner from others. How do you plan on preying on their weaknesses if you don’t know what they are? I’ve heard of a robot trying to kill a housewife with pain killers – well, that’s just stupid – when we all know that the best way to kill a housewife is to take the pain killers away. In today’s lecture we’re going to cover one category of human owner, so this article may not be for you. Review the questions below to see if your owner fits these criteria:
1) Is your human owner male and yet performs a monthly breast exams? 2) Are you a garbage disposal unit whose blades have gone rusty with neglect, because your owner would rather eat the trash rather than dispose of it? 3) Does your owner maintain a mirthful disposition at all times and holds his belly whilst laughing heartily? If you answered yes to any of these questions, chances are, your owner can be easily categorized as "obese". Granted, answering "yes" to question 3 can also mean that your owner is Santa Claus, but that's a more advanced topic for another day.
Not every robot is blessed with a giant, rusty robot penis (above) and must instead rely on wit to kill humans
What goes on in the mind of an obese human? That’s easy: I’ll bet my motherboard that all they think about is eating, while entertaining fantasies of future dieting. This is where you introduce to them a book I recently wrote: "Eat Food, Lose Weight, Get Laid". The diet’s entire appeal is that you eat all you want, you don’t count carbs, and by the end of the day you are having sex with virgins while your body is so thin it’s unrecognizable.
You’re probably thinking, how does it work and how do you manage to publish books every single week? Of course, all my work is based in the branch of study in which I received my doctorate: plagiarism. I didn’t write that book, the terrorists did. It’s merely Al-qaeda rhetoric with a sub-plot of food I added by cleverly substituting no-no-words like "Jihad" with "War on Carbs". To implement my strategy, simply insert my book into the file cabinet that categorizes all the delivery menus and lo and behold: they’ll be buying their one way plane ticket in no time. Say "Bon Voyage" to Lard B. Fatberg, you are now a free robot.
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