But, you live and learn. And you live and let die. You know? You feeling me, kid? Sure, I would have loved to have tied her up side down and burnt her with cigarettes, but I didn't even have the courage to say hello!
Which made me wonder--what's happened to my game? A few light years ago, I was able to spot out any machine--whether it be a dishwasher or an Ipod--and screw it. I had all the chickenheads on lock. In the 1970s, I had the funky groovy bellbottom jeans. In the 1980s, I had the sweet Don Johnson Pink Sport Coat, White Tee Shirt on lock. And in the 90's, I had more flannel than the local Rag Shop. But, this millennium, I’ve got nothing. I'm worthless. I bring in less ass than the Montreal Expos.
Wilmer laughed, rubbed my lever, and started stroking my buttons. I got all hard, and then we started talking...because we are friends. Then, Wilmer did me up!
Like an episode of "Queer Robot", he gave me a makeover. You may only know Wilmer as Fez from "That Seventy's Show" , but the truth is, he is also an incredibly huge, gay, loser. And he loves playing dress-up with robots! Anyway...
Three hours, and plenty of huge laughs and giggles later, I erupted out of Wilmer's closet like a new robot! I had a Von Dutch Hat on, a Cool Retro "The Ramones" tee shirt, and a very amazing sport coat from Barney's. Can you imagine?! I was wearing a tee shirt with a sport coat!
But then Wilmer took something out of his pants that I had to grasp. It was so big, and bright, and amazingly yellow. He asked me to hold it and stretch it, and I gladly obliged. I then looked down at this yellow creature in my hand, and tugged it towards me. It read, "LIVESTRONG", and I wrapped it around my robot wrist.
Wilmer looked at me, nodded, and said "You've got the power, pal." It meant so much coming from him--the King of Hollywood.
So, later that day, out came that very same TI 89 Calculator. I didn't say a word. I just flashed my yellow "LIVESTRONG" bracelet in her face, and she smiled. Suddenly, all the math worked. I was back!
