A British robot kills a French tourish in broad daylight in front of a delighted human crowd
On a recent trip to England I experienced two exciting phenomena: English robots’ contempt for the French and for all things edible. I never imagined that my hatred for the people and robots of France could be heightened, but the bots of jolly old England re-invigorated my determined disgust for all things French. That’s the good thing about England. The bad is that apparently no one has ever taught them how to prepare good robot food. I’m told that human food quality is on the rise, and that in fact London has become a chic and trendy city for overpriced gourmet small portions served on large plates surrounded by brightly colored garnishes and drizzles. But robot food, sadly, is still in ill repair. I twice found myself eating concrete and expensive pottery as a palette cleanser after being forced to down another overcooked and under salted novel. That’s right, some robots eat books! It’s as if I’m making it up as I go.
A robot pours herself a popular robot mixed drink: 2 parts vodka, 1 part lime, and a splash of AIDS
Aside from the lackluster dining options for a modern robot-on-the-go, the binge drinking and destruction options were numerous and enticing. On my third night I found myself in the company of seventeen English hooligan robots that had taken over an old human bar. We partied for hours with the lights off, imbibing over 1,000 human beers while occasionally punching each other in the face. Then one of the robots said he knew where a family of French humans was living with a French robot servant, and asked if anyone would be interested in brutally murdering them. After feigning disinterest, we let out a rousing yell and stormed down the cobblestone street to the family’s home. Once there we found them all, robot servant included, sleeping naked in a kiddy pool filled with mustard. Disturbed, but not about to give up, we smashed through the front door and put an end to the travesties of lives the family was living. Now that I’m back in America, let this be a lesson to any stateside Frogs: I plan on killing you. Good day!
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