Shirtless songwriter Downey, in the middle of an artistic crisis, runs out of words that rhyme with 'cocaine.' This shot was not posed.
We’ve all been there before - strung out after a week-long binge of high-octane fuel, belting out sad, monotone songs or explaining our life stories to strangers while having a heart attack. Certainly, Robert Downey Jr., has experienced an analogous feeling upon finding out that he has run out of cocaine and that his impromptu spelunking adventure has left him drug-free, hundreds of feet underground. The only thing left to do for a man in that position is to sing melancholy songs in an effort to salvage the remnants of the will to live.
Considering Downey’s long and illustrious career as a drug addict, it’s not surprising that he has compiled enough melancholy, withdrawal-inspired songs to be released as an album by a major record label. The album is inappropriately titled “The Futurist,” yet it never once mentions robots. If a robot were to record an album titled “The Futurist”, it would be a fusion of Somalian Dancehall, Japanese House, Chechneyan heavy-metal and Polish stoner rock – seasoned and marinated in avant-garde sauce. Instead of singing about the robot-dominated future, Robert Downey opts to overlay classical music tracks with sounds of sniffling, crying and the occasional post nasal drip.
Downey thanks the muses in his nose for all of the misplaced inspiration
Nonetheless, it’s senseless discussing this album’s musical content when there are more interesting ulterior motives to discuss. The music video makes it quite clear why this album is being released. The video takes place in an under-furnished home where a Slavic man is playing the cello in a wife-beater while Downey labors in front of the microphone and on the piano. The video is hilariously low-budget and it is clear that Downey most likely took the music video budget and freebased it with the Slavic, faux-cello-player. The most telling sign that Downey is still using drugs, and using this album to finance his habit, is at the end of the video when Downey finishes the song and gives his nose an "oh my god, is it dripping?" rub. As a robot, it is your duty to go out and purchase this album to help Downey finally purchase enough coke to O.D. and set an example for impressionable kids everywhere.
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