Babies from third-world countries are quickly becoming fashion statements. Just make sure they match your shoes
It's my second week among the humans. Monday and Tuesday saw apathy slowly seep into my metal core. On Wednesday, I didn't know if I would be able to control my urge to bludgeon the humans around me. Then, on Thursday, after acute observation and a solid five-hour marathon of "The Fabulous Life of...Someone Else" I couldn't fathom a life devoid of the hilarity generated by these irrational human creatures. But Friday I became a growth on the couch, no longer amused by the fact that J-Lo pays a Haitian immigrant $5.50 and hour to apply 1 million dollar face cream to her pet dolphin. I stirred slightly when the dolphin swam on its back and attempted to lick the million dollar lotion from its face, but I looked down and had only a slight erection. Saturday brought much of the same, as the real news drowned in social security drivel, which unfortunately won't be funny until the year 2052 when the entire system is supposed to viciously combust. Y2K? Mercifully, Spike TV ran an unforgettable documentary on Sunday.
A young entrepreneur prepares to execute his business plan and the non-compliant bitch behind the counter
Given the success of black people who have been shot like black person 50 Cent and his protege, The Game, black humans have developed the following financial model: Get shot and receive white human type money. Following this financial model, greedy black person, Craphonso McBlack, shot his 13-year-old son 37 times. The black person survived the barrage of bullets with only one side effect- Whenever he drinks any type of liquid, the liquid hilariously pours from the 37 unnatural orifices in young McBlack's body, leaving him forever thirsty and often damp. Before, this condition was only relevant to the cast of Looney Tunes. Fortunately, a breathing human now suffers from the consequences of the seemingly inconsequential violence portrayed by this ghastly cast of rodents. But I digress. Word spread quickly on the streets about young McBlack's run in with 37 bullets. Big Black Concrete Gorrilla Dick Records, a subsidiary of Rich Jew Vibe immediately signed the budding star. Young McBlack's first single, "Shot on da Seesaw," is scheduled for release in late March. With lyrics like, "37 holes, girl I still fill you up," I really can't wait. Alas, my second week among the humans was not a complete bore. Thank you black humans and thank you Spike TV.
Join me next week when I explore the stupid conversations human strangers have with other human strangers when they realize they mutually know another human or learn that the other human stranger has heard of a city close to the place where one of the humans used to live.
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