I quickly grew bored and tired. It started raining. Sausage. I decided to see a movie. Alone. That's right asshole; I saw a movie alone, and it rains sausage in June. And it's not as if no one noticed it was me. I'm seventy-three feet tall and plated in pure gold. I had to do it though, I'd heard a lot about the new James Brooks smash called "Dreamers," which comes out this June. Let me tell you robot, it was all I anticipated y mas.
"Dreamers" is about a duo of attractive bank robbing white human males (George Clooney and Matt Damon) both of whom are mid-thirties Harvard dropouts seeking a rogue, winner-takes-all-every-human-for-himself way of living. What they find along the way is an even more attractive human female (Charlize Theron). I heard that the script was based loosely on a combination of Ayn Rand’s "The Fountainhead" and a ham and cheese sandwich.
In a surprising twist of movie-telling mania, BOTH lead characters fall in love with the girl and it tears their whole world apart. Just as the movie’s climax shot into my soul and tap danced on the meaning of my life, James Brooks displayed why people now worship him on Sundays and not Jesus. He had a giant turtle crash into the motel wall. Not only that, but the turtle was smoking a clove cigarette. Holy shit! When this happened, I was so surprised I jumped up from my seat and smashed my robot head through the ceiling. Fuck the no talking rule, I had something to say. This was the most original idea I’d ever heard or seen. I crushed every human in the theatre into a compact, carryable size in order to take them back to my house to discuss the genius of James Brooks, accidentally killing them in the process.
Anyway, go see this movie in the future, and be on the lookout for me, because I kill every one in the theatre!
DISCLAIMER:
Blackbot did not actually see this movie, as Blackbot does not actually see any movie he reviews. In fact, this movie does not even exist. Blackbot got stoned on reds with some Mexican humans in 1971 and made it up. In addition, Blackbot would like everyone to know that DBI was well aware of the movie Robots, and that we chose purposely not to review it. If a cartoon movie called "Fat Morons with Speech Impediments and uninteresting Lives" came out, half of America would choose to ignore it. You see? It’s quite similar really.
