“Cold” Blooded Child Killer
by Jose Sanchez from AP (human)


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AP - In Plainfield, Missouri yesterday, little Timmy Tomtinkins brutally murdered both of his parents after listening to the platinum rap song, “Cold Metal.” Sung by a group of robots called Dead Bodies Incorporated, the song features graphic lyrics about killing humans and other anti-human behavior. But it was not at face value which Timmy Tomtinkins took the song and killed his parents. Rather, it was due to the step-by-step instructions on how a child could kill his or her parents and hide their bodies that can only be heard by playing the song backwards. Tomtinkins, age eight, somehow reversed the song on his computer and listened to it backwards, revealing five horrifying minutes of a murder tutorial. Tomtinkins followed it step by gruesome step. Police were quoted as saying “We have never seen such a precise and well calculated murder before,” but would not specify any of the details of the double homicide. Tomtinkins was finally caught three weeks after the killings, when he announced to his classmates at recess that the coin-purse containing his lunch money was made from his father’s testicles. Missouri does not allow juveniles to be tried as adults, and Tomtinkins is currently being held at a juvenile detention facility, where his internet access is being closely monitored. Friends of the family and outraged townspeople have called for the capture of the robots responsible for the song, but no arrests have been made. Police also noted that every appliance and electronic device in the Tomtinkins home was missing, but that Timmy reported no knowledge of how this had occurred. The funeral for Tom and Brenda Tomtinkins took place on Saturday, and was said to be funereal by mourners.