Quiet Your Baby
by Whitebot


Helga, in her old age, is convinced her window is a secret
Unlike Blackbot, I actually watch the movies I review, and I am not the constant champion of the black humans’ and black robots’ cause. Sometimes, in fact when I am actually attending these films, black humans ruin my entire experience. For instance, just last night I went to see the new Johnny Depp project “Secret Window” with a refrigerator friend of mine, and mistakenly did so in a human theatre in a primarily black mall. QX7’s uncle was showing the film, so I thought I’d pay him a visit, and now I wish I hadn’t. The over/under on cell phones ringing was five, and although I could have easily rigged the result with a call to Celly Ringtone, I did not for the sake of betting. Needless to say, the over was the smart bet, as in the end we heard the blare of twelve different phones. What was more annoying than twelve different phones ringing during a film you ask? The fact that this horror/suspense film turned quickly into a comedy by the rowdy crowd. No, it wasn’t due to the dogshit writing and even worse casting. And no, it wasn’t due to the poorly laid out plotline, the weakly developed characters, and the total copout of an ending. It had more to do with the lack of parental control and after school programs in America’s inner cities… wait I’m starting to sound like Blackbot. There was a near fist fight in front of us, three babies crying behind us, and, somehow worse than all of this, a man narrating the movie next us. Comments like, “Oh shit, don’t go in there,” and “He should get a gun,” peppered our two hours in the Megaplex. All in all, I will never again watch a movie in that neighborhood, and yes I realize that I have told you nothing about “Secret Window.” Well here you go: “Secret Window” is far from Johnny Depp’s best film, and actually not even better than his role on 21 Jump Street. Eat that Blackbot!