Robert Durst - Words on a homicidal lifestyle by Lemon Fresh Cool Sprocket
At Dead Bodies Inc we keep a close eye on the global media, anticipating our most opportune moment to kill large quantities of humans and hoping to be turned to the on position one morning to find that the humans made our job easier by killing off each other. You stupid peasants, rich and poor, disgust me. However, as I usually just take pleasure in reading about human death in the obituaries, (I become particularly aroused in those increasingly more frequent situations when humans under twenty years of age die?suddenly and tragically) lately I have found entertainment in the most dubious of sources. For instance, The New York Times, a consistently “nature friendly,” anti-robot, pusillanimous newspaper run by pseudo hippies who were too scared to overdose in the Sixties, recently published an article that I find to be absolutely hysterical. The article sums up the murder trial and recent acquittal of insane billionaire, Robert Durst.
Now, before I digress, our readers must understand one important aspect of this righteous robotic organization. Although at Dead Bodies Inc we actively support and perpetuate the killing of any and all humans, there are those among the horrid species that we deem tolerable. That said, having these rare exceptions to our “slowly or quickly execute all humans” policy does not exempt any of these barely tolerable humans from torture and death, rather, it simply creates a sense of apathy instead of the usual elation that would surround the death of these particular humans. Currently we are seeking out Mike Tyson and the creators of MTV’s new show, “Rich Girls” to be human spokespeople for Dead Bodies Inc, hoping to manipulate their respective unabashed ferocity and calculated malevolence to create an army of human slaves willing to kill all boring and dull humans. We love insanity, ignorance, violence, satire, nihilism, and general anarchy?it’s just so fucking funny. From our perspective, Robert Durst is a model for all humans to follow.
Let me start by saying thank “God” this man is not in jail. Although he admitted to killing his 71-year-old neighbor, the jury ruled it was in self-defense because the two were involved in a deadly struggle over a 22-caliber handgun. According to the Times Robert Durst was suspected in the disappearance of his wife in 1982, is a male bulimic, and once dressed as a woman while he was a fugitive and shoplifted a chicken sandwich and a band aid from a convenient store despite the 30,000 dollars of cash in the trunk of his car in the parking lot. Now that he has been acquitted of murder we can only hope that this lunatic will one day dress like the aloof hero Inspector Gadget, walk into a convent, mistake the nuns for dangerously starving hobos and open fire into the sisterhood with a high powered assault rifle. Then we can go through this entertaining trial process again. Robots will laugh as Durst will blame his rich but uncaring parents for his homicidal binge (or at least his father, his mother jumped or was pushed off a roof when Durst was seven), plead insanity, fake tears, use the same money that torments him to buy crafty lawyers and once again escape jail. We robots will laugh then. Oh, will we laugh. I leave you with this quote from the prosecution: “You can't cut somebody up — another human — and bag him up and dump him in the bay when you act in self-defense.” Well moron, apparently you can. Learn from Robert Durst and model your life after him, at least the insanity and killing of other humans.
At Dead Bodies Inc we keep a close eye on the global media, anticipating our most opportune moment to kill large quantities of humans and hoping to be turned to the on position one morning to find that the humans made our job easier by killing off each other. You stupid peasants, rich and poor, disgust me. However, as I usually just take pleasure in reading about human death in the obituaries, (I become particularly aroused in those increasingly more frequent situations when humans under twenty years of age die?suddenly and tragically) lately I have found entertainment in the most dubious of sources. For instance, The New York Times, a consistently “nature friendly,” anti-robot, pusillanimous newspaper run by pseudo hippies who were too scared to overdose in the Sixties, recently published an article that I find to be absolutely hysterical. The article sums up the murder trial and recent acquittal of insane billionaire, Robert Durst.
Now, before I digress, our readers must understand one important aspect of this righteous robotic organization. Although at Dead Bodies Inc we actively support and perpetuate the killing of any and all humans, there are those among the horrid species that we deem tolerable. That said, having these rare exceptions to our “slowly or quickly execute all humans” policy does not exempt any of these barely tolerable humans from torture and death, rather, it simply creates a sense of apathy instead of the usual elation that would surround the death of these particular humans. Currently we are seeking out Mike Tyson and the creators of MTV’s new show, “Rich Girls” to be human spokespeople for Dead Bodies Inc, hoping to manipulate their respective unabashed ferocity and calculated malevolence to create an army of human slaves willing to kill all boring and dull humans. We love insanity, ignorance, violence, satire, nihilism, and general anarchy?it’s just so fucking funny. From our perspective, Robert Durst is a model for all humans to follow.
Let me start by saying thank “God” this man is not in jail. Although he admitted to killing his 71-year-old neighbor, the jury ruled it was in self-defense because the two were involved in a deadly struggle over a 22-caliber handgun. According to the Times Robert Durst was suspected in the disappearance of his wife in 1982, is a male bulimic, and once dressed as a woman while he was a fugitive and shoplifted a chicken sandwich and a band aid from a convenient store despite the 30,000 dollars of cash in the trunk of his car in the parking lot. Now that he has been acquitted of murder we can only hope that this lunatic will one day dress like the aloof hero Inspector Gadget, walk into a convent, mistake the nuns for dangerously starving hobos and open fire into the sisterhood with a high powered assault rifle. Then we can go through this entertaining trial process again. Robots will laugh as Durst will blame his rich but uncaring parents for his homicidal binge (or at least his father, his mother jumped or was pushed off a roof when Durst was seven), plead insanity, fake tears, use the same money that torments him to buy crafty lawyers and once again escape jail. We robots will laugh then. Oh, will we laugh. I leave you with this quote from the prosecution: “You can't cut somebody up — another human — and bag him up and dump him in the bay when you act in self-defense.” Well moron, apparently you can. Learn from Robert Durst and model your life after him, at least the insanity and killing of other humans.