Out of the Factory: Rise of the machine
by QX7



What a mixed up year it has been in the world of California politics! First the bad governor, then the recall, and then it seemed like everyone and their mother ran to replace a man named after a color. It may have shocked some to witness one Arnold Schwarzenegger’s landslide victory over his “lesser” opponents, but this decisive victory came as no surprise to anyone here at DBI. Why you ask? Well let old QX7 tell you: Arnold Schwarzenegger is a robot.

That’s right, the first man of fitness, the first Austrian bodybuilder to wed a Kennedy and then become a governor, the first man to arouse laughter in a film while quipping over the absence of a tumor- is also the first non-human to hold political power in the United States!

Congratulations are most certainly in order. Arnold, first and foremost, must be recognized as a pioneer among all of his fellow robots. Secondly, his wife Maria Shriver must be congratulated for flipping his on switch every day, lubing his gears appropriately, and taking him in for his routine maintenance. Arnold’s creator, Hans Lichter, who forged the young bot out of steel and buttons in midsummer Graz, Austria circa 1947 also deserves many thanks.

The day of Arnold’s election, Wednesday, October 8th, will go down in robot history as a truly historic moment. This date will be remembered and celebrated for countless years to come, and should also hopefully open up some serious doors for the rest of the robot world. That is, of course, if Arnold verifies that he is a actually a robot. Prior to his election this would not have been a shrewd political move, and even now Arnold may be harboring risking yet another recall election, a “Total Recall” of sorts. But for now, his triumph is undoubtedly ours as well, and if Arnold chooses to keep his true identity a secret, we robots will have to march on, buzzing and blinking as we always have. For this reporter, it seemed a necessity to inform the world of what I have always known to be true, and to simultaneously shed some light on Arnold’s past, present, and future. Arnold Schwarzenegger was constructed in the hills of Graz, Austria in 1947. His birthdate, or day he was first turned on, was June 30th of that year. Initially named model TX10774, Arnold got his human name from the boyfriend of Hans Lichter, his creator. Arnold soon gained notoriety in the human world for his chisled fake human physique. The public acclaim combined with rumors that his figure was more than human, Arnold was forced to separate himself from his robot friends, choosing instead to socialize with human weightlifters. Six Mr. Universe titles later, Arnold had established himself as the most perfectly crafted “human” ever.