Shutup you faggots
by Lemon Fresh Cool Sprocket


Humans who waste their time trying to persuade the government to remove the words “In God We Trust” from American money are robot-hating, sissy fucking faggot dorks. A proven fact, yet this statement is perceived as offensive among some realms of ignorant humans. The terms “gay” and “faggot” seem to be a prevalent insult in young human American culture. Of course this is much to the dismay of red-blooded American “I can’t do drugs anymore so give me an excuse to whine” middle-aged cocksuckers. As a responsible robot I decided to educate the robot youth about the context surrounding words like gay and fag(got). To do this in the most condescending manner imaginable I chose to illustrate my point by using a conversation with a seven year old bot, Young Jonnyapplebot.

Professor Sprocket: Now, Young Jonnyapplebot, how would you react if I said John Mayer is a fucking faggot?

Jonnyapplebot: Well, geez Lemon Fresh, doesn’t that mean he is a homosexual - you know like when boys like other boys and touch each other and stuff.

Professor Sprocket: No, Young Jonnyapplebot, in this context faggot does not mean homosexual. In this context, the words faggot and gay encompass anything a faggot takes offense to. For instance, if a human gets offended by the statement, “John Mayer is a fucking faggot,” then it can be established that that human is indeed gay and anything they deem cool, interesting, or funny can be immediately classified as gay as well. So you see, Jonny, a heterosexual can be just as gay as an actual faggot.

Jonnyapplebot: It seems like everything is gay. How do we now what is straight?

Professor Sprocket: If you have to ask, Jonny, you’re a fucking faggot.

Jonnyapplebot: Isn’t that a bit presumptuous?

Professor Sprocket: Absolutely. And where in Santa’s name did you learn the word presumptuous? It can’t possibly be in your database.

Jonnyapplebot: Quit worrying about what I do, faggot.

Professor Sprocket: Oh Young Jonnyapplebot, you always were a quick learner.

Now, recently I had a run in with one of these “faggots” and I must say it was quite an experience - an experience comparable to finding an angry rattlesnake in your sweatpants, plucking two venomous fangs out of your swollen testicles and collapsing mouth first into an open sore on the chest of an HIV positive dwarf. After my “experience” with one of these described fags I fell into a weeklong coma and woke up to a feeling of doom lurking over my head like a broken umbrella, and the seemingly obvious question festering in my thoughts - Why are all humans so fucking gay?