Surely Ronald (1982)
by Inspecto Eternale


This car hasn't been invented yet
As Central Evolutionary Observer for this outfit, it is my role to monitor the de-evolution of humans from their birth to being dead as individuals and as a species. One of the most obvious illustrations of this revolting phenomenon is witnessing these blobs of meat and tissue, jam themselves into giant machines that are far more beautiful and attractive than themselves. Cars are some of the most beautiful robots of our time, yet the natural poetry of the automobile is always obscured by the meat puppets that drive them. Ironically, I have observed an indirect relationship between the attractiveness of the human inside the car and the monetary value of the auto itself. Typically, the more expensive the car, the multi-limbed-snakes that drive them increase in hideousness exponentially.

The latest studies released from the Dead Bodies Inc. Laboratories have also found the following unsurprising fact: cheaper autos are often driven by passengers of completely robotic composition! The study, however, has received mixed reviews among the robot community. A group of Volvos, robots frequently ostracized by the community, staged an annoying protest by honking outside our headquarters, claiming the study has caused them a lot of technological angst. In response to the Volvos – why don’t you follow Kia’s lead and inflate the airbags before impact. Of course, we will explore this hilarious concept and reveal how it eventually leads to dead human bodies in the next issue from the Central Evolutionary Observer.